Radiate From Your Creative Center

Radiate From Your Creative Center


Working with people on their businesses, I notice something that sets those who are stuck apart from those who are happier and achieving growth and success.

Those who take action from the place where their talent and their passion align move more quickly in the direction of their desired outcome. There is a strength, a power and a confidence these entrepreneurs and artists exude. Their ideas flow and there is excitement in the room. I am naming it ‘radiating from their creative center’.

Often they have a confidence that although hard to articulate is noticeable. They make decisions from a place of inner strength and focus.

I am fascinated by this place. It is what our world craves right now on many levels and what businesses are searching for in future problem solvers. Those of us who have this capacity to radiate from our creative center and know how to access this place are in demand.

I see three practices that belong to those radiating from their creative center.


3 Practices to Radiate From Your Creative Center

1.           SETTING YOUR INTENTION before you begin. The intention can change as you need it to. Adjust your intention as you go, but set it before you begin by anticipating what you want from your actions.

SETTING THE INTENTION lets it be known to yourself and others that you are drawing in that which you are stating. It is setting the stage with clarity. It is aligning you with a goal.

2.         Be intentional about GIVING YOURSELF SPACE TO THINK AND DO NOTHING…I am dead serious. Schedule it in.

A place where clients get stuck with this is in saying ‘no’ to things they sort of like… or feel obligated to do.

Radiating from your creative center means you practice ( if necessary) in front of the mirror saying no to imaginary requests.

“ Can you make a lasagna for the Sports banquet this Friday?”

NO I am so sorry … I have to work and my schedule does not allow for it.

“Can you come to the fundraiser next week? Everyone will be there.”

“No not this time. I have an appointment scheduled that I just can’t get out of”.

For some this boundary is difficult and I totally get it. Practice saying no in front of a mirror. Watch where you get stuck saying ‘yes’ in real time, when you mean to say ‘no’, and practice saying ‘no’ in that situation in front of a mirror.

3. Cultivate Resilience

This is HUGE… De- stigmatize Failure…  come up with a new word for failing like, ” this  is a new learning” or ” I am in a grobnox” … failing is something to be practiced… the mantra is ” fail and fail fast”…. the future belongs to those who can really embrace this idea…..

 Take risks. Learn new things. Make a list of 25 things you have always wanted to do and take a small step towards something on the list. Find people who can help you.

Treat yourself with Compassion. Treat yourself as you would your best friend. If things don’t work out the way you anticipated, be accepting and forgiving. Remember it is the journey not the destination. You are learning something new and it means you are going to be making mistakes and that is O.K.

Experience builds confidence. Act.

This last one is easier said than done for a lot of us. In the movie We Bought a Zoo Matt Damon has a wonderful line he says his father told him:

“ We can do anything if we just have 20 seconds of insane courage”.

What do you long to try?…. Be Brave

Widening the Appreciative Lens

Becky and Dan ( not their real names) sat in stony silence. They had arrived at a place of stalemate. Dan felt that Becky had been not parenting in a way he felt comfortable with; too loose and forgiving and he felt the children needed a firmer hand.

I want to be clear here though, the issue is irrelevant. It could be anything that is surfacing that triggers the stalemate. The red herring in my office usually have to do with affairs, money, sex, or division of labor ( who does what when and who is not doing what when).

The point is we had reached an impasse. Break down. Not budging. Each had nothing to say.

As a couples therapist this where things either get interesting or they reach a breaking point (and as conflict surfaces this is where it gets challenging and exciting for us as couples therapists. For those of us in the midst of the stalemate it can be painful, feel sticky and overwhelming).

I have come to look at these places as sacred ground. If we can quiet ourselves and hold onto to our amygdala we can learn from these places and grow.

I thought about how to begin again with Becky and Dan. We were three quarters of the way through the session but we needed safer ground.

“There are parts of our mental landscape that we build”, I began “that have nothing to do with our physical appearance but are as real as the muscles we go to the gym to strengthen and build.”

Appreciation is one of those such ‘muscles’.

By exercising our muscle of appreciation we enhance it. Our ability to see what we like grows. I am a photographer and I resonate to thinking about it as a lens that we put on as we look at the world. As we build this muscle we find more to appreciate. There are things we really savor about life about our partner, our family, our job, our community. Here is the rub though. We don’t always feel like widening the lens. Negative thought grooves are easier.

Who here has not felt like going to gym to work out?

Do it anyway.

I could tell neither Becky or Dan wanted to go here.

We went because they are paying me to help them with their marriage.

In my office we physically move things around so they can get really close to each other (there is actually research that shows that if you get physically close, 12-18 inches apart, and look into your partners eyes it diffuses the defensiveness.) I urged them to get closer.

and we began with appreciation.

At first it comes slowly.

They are willing to do what it takes.

Dan began, “I like the way you got up and made me coffee this morning. That was nice.”

Becky heard Dan and responded with her appreciation.

“I appreciate the way you helped Max with his homework last night.”

The energy began to shift.

We had moved from resentment to appreciation and even though the appreciations were not for huge things there was an air of good will where a moment earlier resentment and provocation were calling the shots.

Make no mistake there was still resentment but we were moving beyond it to a place of repair.

5 Tips for Widening The Appreciative Lens When You Are in a Stalemate:

1. Get quiet.
2. Give Yourselves 30 minutes to let go and be willing to do what it takes.
3. Think of something you do appreciate ( the beginning of the day, beginning of the relationship….shift your focus)

It can be the home movies you run over in your mind about the person you fell in love with. More typically it is the things most recently that may have passed without recognition. Don’t dismiss something because it is too small.
What have you overlooked that you can now take the time to mention? Here are some examples of things I have heard:
I appreciate the way you fold my laundry
I appreciate the way you take care of the kids.
I like the way you listened to what I had to say.
I love that you brought home pizza cause you knew I was tired.
I appreciate you taking scuba lessons for me.
I appreciate the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh.
I appreciate your being here in couples therapy with me.
I appreciate that you have agreed to work on our marriage.
I appreciate the way you dress.
I appreciate the way you budget.
I appreciate your laugh.

I invite clients to keep an appreciation journal and write at least 3 new things a day that either are grateful for or appreciate.

Get the idea?

Think about what drew you to your partner.

4. Look at your relationship not from your perspective or your partner’s perspective but from the space that exists between the two of you.

Grow the space between you so that it is a place of kindness, respect and ‘an anchor to windward’ or safe harbor.

5. Start small and make a practice out of it. Like any muscle it will grow and get stronger.

All It Takes Is All You’ve Got

I was walking into a swim meet with my son and I saw a shirt

that said:


Are you 100% in? Because if you are all it takes is all you’ve got.

You want to be an entrepreneur?

All it takes is all you’ve got

A parent? Teacher? Systems specialist?

Master energy healer? Amazing LEADERSHIP coach?

Want to lose weight?

All it takes is all you’ve got.

You want to step into your worthiness? ? Be creative?

When we bring all of ourselves to the table to commit to what it is we want we become ‘nigh on unstoppable .

Find your way to commit to anything and all it takes is all you’ve got.

If there is doubt there is an ounce of you going somewhere else out in the future or back in the past.