Couples Counseling

A Story of Reconnection: Is there hope for us?

Phil and Chloe (not their real names) arrived in my office barely speaking. They sat far apart and shared how they had come to a place in the marriage where they no longer had much in common. They would often go through an entire week with barely a conversation. They had children and felt compelled to work on things “for the sake of the children”, which is why they were sitting in my office. Phil  works while Chloe does not work outside the home.

When we feel connected to our partners we are more able to weather the hurts that inevitably happen in close connection. Building trust happens in the smallest of moments. On the first session we explored the early years of the marriage and how they create safety for each other. We focused on ‘widening their appreciative lenses’. Both felt more deeply connected after sharing what they appreciated about each other and admitted that it had been ‘a while’ since they had spoken about ‘the good things’.

We explored the assets of the marriage. Phil, somewhat surprised, admitted to feeling much more hopeful after only the first session. They learned how to appreciate each other’s strengths. Over the next few sessions they learned how to talk and respond to each other’s concerns in a way that each felt deeply heard. It took some time but both Phil and Chloe learned to respond differently to their partner, which allowed both to feel safer in the marriage. They learned to ask their partner for certain behavior changes. They created good will between and them and rebuilt their trust in each other. Gradually therapy came to be not necessary as both had made a commitment to lasting changes that left them feeling closer to each other with resources to use when things did not go well.

It is my job to make therapy not necessary but that can only happen when a couple commits to change their pattern of relating. That means using the new skills they learn.

About Imago Therapy:

Imago Therapy developed by Harville Hendrix teaches specific ways that couples can communicate with each other in a way that they feel deeply heard and validated. Imago uses a method of communicating called the Intentional Dialogue that if practiced, offers couples freedom from their power struggles  and a deep connection to each other. Often couples get stuck in the quagmire of a power struggle and cannot move beyond it. Imago empowers couples to connect with each other in a safe and respectful way. Often after therapy couples report feeling very connected and remember why they fell in love in the first place.

What Will We Learn?

  • You will learn how to share what you deeply appreciate about your partner.
  • You will learn how to build trust while being deeply connected to each other.
  • You will learn how to express anger and frustration without disrupting the connection between you and your partner.
  • You will learn how to be really present to your partner.
  • You will learn to help each other heal old hurts.

How I Work:

  • Sessions are 1 ½ hours long
  • I meet with both partners
  • I do not accept insurance but have “ insurance friendly receipts” that clients may use to file with their insurance companies if they choose.
  • I do accept Visa and Mastercard
  • Investing in a marriage is like investing in the foundation of your house. You are building a strong foundation for the rest of the family to grow from. Children grow up in the space between a couple. If there is no communication, no humor or love that is hard ground for the life of a child. I  help couples explore and cultivate the space between them so they are able to talk, learn to trust deeply, and empathize with each other thus creating a fertile ground to grow a family.

Schedule an appointment:

For information about scheduling  call (206) 842-6161